Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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