Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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