I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
