I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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