i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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