i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
