Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
