I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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