her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
