I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
