I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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