i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
