A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
