he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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