This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
