If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
