just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
