Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
