i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize