So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
