dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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