So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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