I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize