I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
