I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
