Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You took a bar mat shot.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
