yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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