Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
