hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
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Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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