Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
