Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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