Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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