I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
