wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
