Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
