shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
