I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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