this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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