Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
