Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
