Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
