My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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