I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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