I just pynch a tree in the face
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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