bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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