just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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