I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
