did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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