I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
