you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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