I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
