he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Less talking, more tequila
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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