That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
