I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
