my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
