I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
