Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
