You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
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Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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